Lifelong Lives

Three lives! Three girls! 
And a mother!

Would Pushpa ever have cursed her daughters in her lifetime?!! Would she ever have looked at heaven; with her pleading eyes when three girls flowered in her womb one after one in a respite of fifteen or eighteen months?!  Would she ever have cursed her daughters in her life?!

I have always seen Pushpa with her stooped head; walking through the paved path; where the vine spread their limbs in search of something; like the dreams crawl into the tired head of an ill person; where the tall mango tree stands like a crooked man, lost his growth midway! A mother with all the anxieties of a poor family; a mother of three daughters, grew older day-by-day competing with each other! Kids to girls; girls to adolescents!

Pushpa was dark like charcoal; she smiled like stars in a moonless night! Her eldest and youngest daughters inherited most of her qualities; the innate dark complexion, the starry smile and the long straight hair! They were fairly good in studies! The middle one had neither of these traits; she was more of her father; blessed with short curly hair, comparatively less dark skin! She did not either find pleasure in studies! She helped Pushpa in the household chores, going to the market, fetching milk, washing clothes, unfolding the wrinkles off her sisters’ salwars, stretching the starched cotton saree of her mother!

I doubt whether Pushpa ever had struggled to raise her daughters! They raised themselves.  After completion of college, Pushpa’s eldest daughter found herself a job in a small shop! While coming back from work; she brought sweets for her sisters. She earned an amount enough for their day-to-day life! And at times, during festivals; they stitched new glittering clothing for all the three growing girls! The youngest one imparted tuitions to the neighbors’ children after school hours. The middle one fetched milk, cleaned home, cooked food and dreamt sitting in front of open books when her sisters studied in the dawns and at dusks! She filled the space of a son in that family; they looked at her for anything; that a sister would expect from brother; that a mother would expect from a son! She was contented with her life; so were the other three; her two sisters and Pushpa!

Or were they?!!

Till the dusk Pushpa came back home with her eldest daughter from the diagnostic center of the Railway hospital. She did not sleep that night, nor cried! She lay down on the mat like a dead dog; like a stray dog killed by a heavy mad truck! Her eyes were open; without even a blink; she did not eat anything that night! Her eyes were sunk in a dark depth! Her lips kept open! Girls sat beside their mother; the youngest girl and the middle one kept on shaking her and calling with panic eyes! Her body moved in the jerk; but her inner self was still! The eldest one kept silent; she did not either touch her mother or call her! She breathed without disturbing the air around her! Her eyes were struck on Pushpa’s eyes! Somewhere in the depth of that night, three lives floated in the shallow darkness of sleep; with Pushpa; embracing her! Pushpa did not move till the last hours of the night; till the goods train howled from the level cross; the train that shuttles to the ancient goods station near the railway colony! Pushpa woke up like a huge fish rose from an ocean of nightmares! She walked out to the balcony without making her daughters awake; stood at the small balcony staring at the slow moving goods train; listening to the lament of the railway tracks!  Night was darker than ever; clouds veiled the crescent moon with their dark palms!

Pushpa did not move; even when four frozen fingers touched her bare shoulders. She did not turn around! She knew; it is no one else – its her eldest daughter. She looked at her mother’s eyes; which were lost somewhere in the depths of the night sky! A feeble voice spread in the air;

Amma..

Amma, what did the doctor say?! Am I alright Amma?!!

Pushpa tore the eyes from the sky and looked at her daughter; a stare that never emerged from those eyes in that lifetime! Pushpa embraced her tightly, kissed her on her cheek, on her neck, on her hair and on her forehead! A crow that lost its sleep flew over the terrace! The shadow of the mango tree moved slightly, clouds veiled the moon fully; shadows dissolved in the darkness! Pushpa made her sit on the floor! She held the long hair of her daughter in her hand and kissed it again; she did not look at the eyes of her daughter, she ran her hand through the long hair and whispered; 

You’ll lose this hair! That’s what doctor said!

Two eyes with fearful questions searched for some strange answers in the darkness!

‘But it will grow again; doctor promised me’! Pushpa continued!

‘They will start the medication next week; we’ll go to the regional hospital of the railway early morning next Sunday! They will start with a treatment called – ‘chemotherapy’. That’s what  the doctor said!’ Pushpa’s head bent down!

“That’s what the doctor said..!”

The breath that created waves in the air that hung just opposite Pushpa’s face stopped for a while; then continued again – in a different pace! The crow once again passed through the terrace and sat on the branch of the mango tree; a tender mango leaf tore at the touch of its nail and flew like a feather and fell on the soil! Those were the last moments of a long night! And the beginning a new dawn!

 When light of the dawn peeped from the dark east sky; two pairs of open eyes were resting on the peaks of cloud mounts! This darkness will fade in moment; light is just across those clouds; Pushpa thought! She never knew that this night would repeat in her life! That night borne again! On the last day of her eldest daughter’s chemotherapy cure, Pushpa took along her youngest daughter to the railway diagnostic wing! She did not forget about the secret that her youngest daughter shared with embarrassment a week ago! Pushpa’s eyes were firm; they were building a wall to stop the flood that might break out any time!

The curly haired middle girl waited in the balcony till Pushpa came back home with the hairless elder sister and longhaired younger sister! Hairless sister lay down on the bed; the hit of  chemotherapy made her fall on any thing that seemed as a support! Tired eyes; weary steps! Pushpa did not say anything; nor her little sister! Pushpa went into the kitchen and started cleaning the vessels; those have been already cleaned by herself in the morning, before leaving to the hospital! She threw away the food preserved in the vessels and started cooking again; the middle girl stood at the door of the kitchen looking at her mother! She feared to ask anything! Her elder sister is asleep; and the younger one is sitting near her on the bed; eyes are lost somewhere!

Night fell on earth in a spell; the same night that once left a never-ending darkness in those four hearts. Pushpa slept with the youngest girl that night; she held her hands together towards the wooden stand fixed on the wall where the idol of Lord Shiva was kept; where the ashes of the incense fell! Her eyes were open; tired dried eyes! She saw a shadow standing at the open window; the shadow that bore a hairless head; the shadow of her eldest daughter! Pushpa woke up from the bed and turned towards the window!  A small hand dragged her backward - the young girl who slept with her! Pushpa realized; she was not sleeping! She pulled Pushpa towards her and looked at her eyes! She struggled to whisper something to her mother’s ears; but the broken word crushed the air with its edges;

‘Amma, will I too become bald like Chechy?’

Pushpa stood in the darkness like a mount of ice; a charcoal coloured iceberg! The hairless shadow at the window turned in a split moment with startled eyes; she moved towards Pushpa and her youngest sister! She looked at Pushpa’s cold face! Pushpa fell on the floor like a packed sack!  The hairless shadow sat near her sister and kissed on her forehead! Her eyes shone in the tiny particles of light spread in those air; at last the glitter in her eyes flowed through the dark cheek and hung on the jaws; like the last drops of a night rain!

‘But it will grow again!’

‘It will grow again dear!’ The hairless shadow whispered!

There in the darkness, two eyes slept without knowing the world around her; the tempest forming around her! Her curly hair shivered in the gentle breeze gushed in through the window!

When that night grew to another dawn, three pairs of eyes stood at the balcony looking at the shuttling of the howling goods train; listening to the lament of the railway tracks! The mango tree stood still in the darkness; like a deserted island in a pitch-black ocean! The sleepless crow flew eastward whispering something! Three breathing shadows stood like pieces of dark clouds fell from the night sky; their hearts beat in the same rhythm, their lungs moved at the same pace; their eyes blinked at the same moment;

.. and their hearts were murmuring the same prayer;

.. prayer for a girl;

.. a girl with short and curly hair!! 

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